


Pokémon Go Fuck Yourself

by lesbianoodle



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pokemon GO - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 19:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7945822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianoodle/pseuds/lesbianoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux and Eridan become very competitive Pokémon trainers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pokémon Go Fuck Yourself

Sollux had downloaded Pokémon Go the minute it came out and had been playing ever since. He played when he woke up, he played on his way to work, he played during his lunch break, he played on his way home, and he played well into the night. Somewhere along the line, it stopped being just a game and became a lifestyle. Luckily, Aradia was delighted that he was finally willing to come outside and they spent the weekends trekking anywhere they could. By the end of the month, Sollux was the leader of two different gyms in his city. 

No kid could beat him. His Pokémon had CP so high that his friends started to accuse him of hacking the game, (he hadn't. Not yet, at least), and his gyms remained Team Instinct for good. He became infamous to everybody on his block as the Pokémon guy because he was constantly staring at his phone, Aradia yanking him out of the way of street lamps. Sollux felt unstoppable, on top of the world, until that asshole moved in downstairs. 

At first, he didn't even realise that a guy had moved in downstairs until he started seeing him in the lobby in the morning. Sollux barely acknowledged him, (though he had glanced at him once when he was picking up the mail), until the unthinkable happened. Until one day, he headed to the nearest gym to check how his Pokémon were doing and discovered suddenly that the gym had changed hands. Suddenly, it belonged to those pretentious Team Mystic assholes. And Sollux almost dropped his phone in pure shock. 

"Who the fuck is caligulasAquariums?" He demanded, pacing back and forth in the apartment, "And how did them and their conniving team manage to snatch my best gym? He must be one of those try-hard hacks that broke the game. That or he spent all his money on it." 

"Sollux, do you think you're taking this a little seriously?" Aradia smiled over her cup of coffee at him, "It's just a game. It's not that big a deal. Why don't you let it go?"

"I'm not letting it go. I'm showing that asshole the door. And you have to help me." 

His moirail just shook her head, sighed, before putting her cup of coffee down. She approached him and sat down beside him, one hand pressed rubbing at the spot on his upper back that is his complete weakness. He sighed too, a little more defeated, and let his moirail pap him gently until he calmed down. She told him that he needed to stop taking the game so seriously, it was meant to be for fun, and reminded him that they were watching Game of Thrones together later. Then, she returned to her coffee.

Still, the whole evening, he couldn't settle down. He just felt so frustrated that some idiot and their stupid team had managed to snatch his gym when he wasn't looking. And he was determined to beat the angrily dubbed "CA" into the fucking ground. So when Aradia fell asleep midway through Game of Thrones, he took his chance. He slipped out from under the blankets she'd spread across the couch, snatched his cellphone from where she'd put it, and quietly locked the door to their joint apartment behind him. 

The gym was just outside, so he sat on the sidewalk and battled obsessively. He still wasn't winning, so he had to walk all the way to his other gym and remove his prized Pokémon from that gym so that he could use it. He was outside until early in the morning, getting angrier and angrier, until he was practically glaring spades at CA's stupid character. Stupid Mystic asshole. 

When he walked back inside, he saw the new guy that moved in downstairs. 

"How'd it go?" The stranger asked, nodding to Sollux's phone. He looked like an asshole- he had half a smirk plastered on his face and a scarf tied loosely around his neck and a purple streak combed through his hair. He spoke with an odd accent that Sollux didn't recognise but sounded like some highblood shit. Maybe it was the lingering frustration or tiredness or actual pitch feelings but Sollux couldn't help scowling at him. Scowling hard. 

"Just... Fine." Sollux said, through gritted teeth. 

"You can't take my gym unless the ratio shifts so that more Instinct members have beat it, right?" The guy said, almost sounding confident, "Unless you have multiple accounts." 

_How'd he figure out I had multiple accounts?_ Sollux thought; then, _wait, this is the asshole?_

If he'd been treating this asshole coldly before, it was nothing compared to the winter that was coming. Instincts kicking in- not a pun on his team but it could be- Sollux stood up as straight as he could, still at least four inches shorter than the man in front of him. He held his phone out, like it was a weapon, waving it at his new neighbour. 

"I already beat your fucking gym, asshole. And maybe I did have to use some of my other accounts, so what? At least I'm not a fucking cheater that bought my way to the top like you did." Sollux is all for cheating- unless it involves spending money on the game in question. He considers hacking and spending to be two entirely different forms of cheating. If you hack, at least you put some effort in. Buying accounts online or spending all your money in-game, that was just for pathetic people. 

"I didn't buy fucking shit, you asshole." Somehow, the way he drops the "g" is infuriating. At least the asshole didn't look smug anymore and looked a little more pissed off but that's not enough. Sollux wanted to really, really piss him off. He wanted to keep his gym again. 

"Whatever, Mystic." Sollux intentionally bumped shoulders as he walks past; though, it's more like his shoulder and the stranger's arm, "Don't even think about coming near my gym." 

"You don't know what you've started, Instinct." The guy said, smirking again.

Sollux stamped all the way up the stairs, feeling frustrated, and nearly woke Aradia when he flung the door to their apartment open a little too hard. She shifted on the couch, mumbled something, and returned to hugging a cushion tightly. He shut the door a little more quietly, still pissed, and decided to take a cold shower. That'd clear his mind. Of thoughts. Yeah. 

He crawled back onto the couch, somehow managing to wriggle back into his spot beside Aradia and fell asleep breathing in the scent of her hair. He slept peacefully, maybe only because he was far too exhausted to dream about anything, and slept late. 

When he woke up, it was because Aradia shook him awake and asked him by the downstairs neighbour had interrogated her in the lobby about Sollux. Still half asleep, Sollux mumbled something about that guy being CA before pulling the blankets back over his head and dozing him back off. The second time he woke up was because Aradia tipped him off the couch and told him that he was going to be late for work if he didn't hurry up. He considered calling in sick today briefly but he had taken enough sick days when he caught some human sickness a few weeks back and he needed to earn enough to pay half-rent. He dragged himself to work. 

Sollux was exhausted. He found himself staring at a screen with no idea of what he was doing for several hours at work before eventually falling asleep on the keyboard around eleven and only snapping awake when his obnoxiously loud boss entered the room and began sweeping, looking into each cubicle. He managed to look awake enough, typing a few simple codes into the program until his boss was gone again. At his lunch break, he slipped back to the gym. He was still in control of it- good!- and his neighbour hadn't managed to do anything about it yet. 

When he got home from work, he found his neighbour standing outside the building with his phone and muttering to himself. Sollux peered over his shoulder, saw he wasn't winning, and made a snide comment. His neighbour jumped. 

"Jesus effing Christ, tell a man before you scare the crap of him like that." CA straightened his glasses and returned to hopelessly tapping the screen in an attempt to win, "How the fuck are you so good at this stupid game anyway? Don't you have friends or something?"

"I have plenty of friends." Sollux scowled, "Unlike you. I see you checking your mailbox every morning and picking up absolutely nothing. Your so-called friends not writing you?" 

"You shut the hell up." CA looked angry and he shoved Sollux enough to make him stumble. 

"Fuck you." Sollux spat. What was this odd feeling pounding through his blood pusher? It was something like exhilaration, like the kind he gets when he beats a dungeon online on his first try, but it was entirely different. It was like hate but something far more passionate than that. He almost thought it could be the spark of kismesistude but dismissed it quickly. Guys like CA with their fancy blood colour and stupid hipster glasses don't go pitch with losers like Sollux. 

"Go fuck yourself, Captor. The only friend you have is your left hand." 

"I'm ambidextrous, you ass and a half." Sollux snapped, wondering how the guy from downstairs had already managed to learn his name. Then, he remembered that it's printed on his mailbox right underneath Aradia's name. He left his neighbour downstairs, getting steadily more frustrated, and headed inside with a strange feeling in his stomach. Like anxiety. 

"What's up with you?" Aradia asked, when he returned to the apartment with a storm cloud brewing over his head. She looked up from the desktop just to take in Sollux's expression and giggled. "Someone has a crush." 

"I don't have a crush on him." Sollux complained, flopping face-first on the couch, "Is it my fault that he's both infuriating and strangely pathetic?"

"Somebody's got a pitch crush!" Aradia sang, delighted. 

Sollux hadn't had a pitch crush on anybody before and he had no idea if this was what it was supposed to feel like, so he just shook his head and retired to his usual spot on the couch. 

After that, he couldn't help but notice the Team Mystic asshole. Most days, when he got home from work, CA would be either heading out somewhere or standing outside with his phone gripped tightly in his hand. Once he knew that what they were doing was pitch-flirting, Sollux couldn't help lying it on thick. He had been notorious in high school for his ability to flirt without even knowing that he was doing it and he knows from the look on CA's face that he's driving him insane. In several different kinds of way. Sometimes, Sollux would sit down outside the building to defend his gym and his honour.

Pokémon Go players in their area talked about the two of them all the time, wondering at first whether caligulasAquariums and twinArmageddons were working together, before realising that they were at war with each other. Some people- like Sollux's friends- assumed that they were in quadrants with each other while others speculated that they just hated each other. Either way, Sollux ignored the looks other curious players gave them when they passed their gym- never stopping to help. Everybody knew that gym was otherwise occupied. 

"Fuck you!" Eridan said, finally, one day, when he managed to turn the gym back to Mystic at last. Sollux had bothered to ask his name at last the other day, when they were fighting over the gym on a Sunday afternoon. He'd laughed at how pretentious "Eridan" sounded. 

Sollux was fiddling with his phone, furiously preparing to attack the gym again, when Eridan dropped down onto his knees beside him. Eridan always made a point of refusing to sit on the ground because he was too precocious for that shit or something. Before Sollux could ask what the fuck he was doing, Eridan leaned in and kissed him hard. The kiss was somewhere between loving and hating- but definitely filled with some kind of passion. He nipped him.

Eridan pulled back. "I pity you, Sollux Captor. You're pathetic." 

And then, he left Sollux to play Pokémon on his own. 

Several times after that, Sollux was caught unaware when he was least expecting it and found himself being kissed up against the wall of their building. It never lasted too long and never went beyond one of them copping a slight feel before one of them would withdraw and storm off angrily. But Sollux enjoyed it. He liked the way that Eridan bit down on Sollux's lip and the way that his eyebrows pulled together in annoyance, like he couldn't believe himself. Before long, Sollux started retorting. Eridan would always gasp if Sollux kissed him first. It wasn't long before Sollux started mocking him for it, smirking at him and pretending to gasp. 

Sometimes, Eridan would shove him lightly but there was never any intention of pushing him over, as far as Sollux could tell. It was almost like something an older brother would do- which made Sollux feel infuriated that he was being treated like a kid. Maybe he wasn't the tallest but that didn't mean Eridan got to push him around. 

"Don't treat me like a grub." Sollux tells him, next time he has him behind the building with the taste of Eridan's mouth on his lips and his leg pushed between Eridan's legs, "I'm not here for you to push around, asshole." 

"Peasants like you exist purely for me to push around." Eridan tells him. 

Sollux snarls into his mouth. "Don't call me that." 

"It's not my fault you're poor." Eridan scoffs. 

"I live in the same building as you." Sollux grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him down so that he can kiss him properly, "Don't be such an ass." 

Eridan's forehead bumps against his. "But I'm so good at it." 

Sollux was sure that Eridan wanted to keep the whole thing unofficial and mostly unknown, which was why he was surprised when his neighbour invited him in for coffee one afternoon. They had just been doing their thing, playing Pokémon and glaring at each other, when Eridan had decided that it was too cold out and he was going to go inside. He had gotten halfway through the door when he had turned around and asked Sollux if he wanted to come too. Sollux scoffed and said of he didn't want to come and had followed him anyway. 

The apartment was much neater and cleaner than his upstairs but he wasn't going to comment on that, standing awkwardly in the main room like he wasn't sure what to do with himself. Eridan gestured for him to sit down and told him that he'd make coffee. Sollux sat down for a moment, got bored, and got back up again. Instead, he studied the things Eridan kept in his main room, which all seemed very bland and generic. He wonders where Eridan is hiding all his inner-nerd and whether it would be weird to ask. 

"I said to sit down." Eridan scowls, shoving a cup of coffee into his hands, "You're making me look like a crappy host, Sol." 

"Sol?" He's never been called that before.

The tips of Eridan's fins flush purple. "Shut up."

"You are so pathetic." Sollux takes a long sip of his coffee. It's surprisingly good but of course it would be, having been made under the hipster expertise of Eridan Ampora, and Sollux has to try hard to disguise his surprise. It doesn't quite work and Eridan looks really smug. "Even if you do make decent coffee." 

"Only the best for my kismesis." Eridan says, nonchalantly, but his fins are even brighter.

"You care about me." Sollux mocks him. 

"Take your head out of your ass, Captor." Eridan scoffs. 

They sit on the couch for a while after that and just talk, which Sollux isn't sure is normal for this quadrant. He was sure he just revolved around slinging insults and making out but apparently, there's so much more to it. He learns a lot about Eridan and his best friend and the movie that they went to see this afternoon, which had wizards into it. He also learns that Eridan's dad is paying his rent, so he doesn't work, which makes Sollux snort coffee out of his nose. Looking throughly pissed, Eridan accidentally spills lukewarm coffee on him. Sollux ends up straddling him so that he can kiss him thoroughly. They only stop to breathe. 

Sollux has managed to get Eridan down to his underwear, when the seadweller suggests they move to the bedroom. He actually has a bed as a pailing platform like some kind of human and Sollux can't help laughing at him as they fall on top of it. Dumb hipster. 

Once Eridan has him pinned down and is kissing him furiously, he suggests a safe word. He literally suggests this between kisses, when Sollux pauses to breathe, and Sollux just nods along in agreement. He's never pailed in this quadrant before but he's not sure that he's going to be rough enough to need a safe word. Better to be safe, he guesses. 

"I hate you." Eridan's forehead is pressed right up against his. 

"You're the worst." Sollux replies. 

He stays the night at Eridan's apartment entirely by accident because he falls asleep shortly after pailing and the asshole didn't wake him up. When he wakes up, he's not entirely sure where he is because he doesn't recognise anything in the room. Then, he hears Eridan swearing at something in the other room and he panics automatically, sitting up quickly. He checks his phone and finds a billion missed calls from Aradia, who has probably called the cops by now to report him missing. He sends her a quick message, gets dressed, and nearly walks into Eridan when he attempts to slip out the door. 

"You're finally up." Eridan says, "Jesus, if it wasn't for your snoring, I would have thought that you'd died or something. Do you always waste your mornings like that?"

"What do you want, Ampora?" Sollux demands. 

"I made you breakfast." Eridan says. Is this some kind of passive-aggressive move?

"I don't eat breakfast." 

"Great, just great." Eridan mutters, "You're even more of a mess than I thought."

Sollux eats breakfast with him anyway and Eridan hesitantly explains that he's never had a kismesis before, except for one girl in high school that just used him. Sollux tells him he hasn't had a kismesis either and Eridan looks relieved. Then, somehow, Eridan manages to talk him into going on some kind of date next week. Sollux guesses they're a thing now. 

When he arrives home, upstairs, Aradia hugs him tightly and tells him that she was worried. He apologises and they decide that today is the perfect day to go on a Pokémon hunt- of course it is, they go every single Saturday. Aradia knows all the best places to catch Pokémon so she leads the way out of the building, saying something about the local park being good today, and Sollux follows close behind her. They've nearly made it through the lobby when Eridan catches up with them and asks if he can come with them. Sollux locks eyes with him and glares. 

"By the way." Eridan says, as he holds the door open, "I finally beat your gym this morning while you were asleep."


End file.
